This time last year I was weak.
I let my emotions run wild and wore all feelings on my sleeves.
Needless to say I've learned.
Pick the battles,
Choose my heart,
Guard all sacred to me.
A year to fall into depression.
A year to realize I'm free.
A year to mourn him again.
A year to build her up,
Only to take her down again.
Musings of a year
Im standing in a hall.
Its long and empty but a door or fence lays at the end.
I take a step and watch the hall change.
Memories of life flash.
But it stays a hard pressed red.
A door to my left appears,
I reach but then rethink ...
I dont know whats behind it...
The memories flash again and i continue on.
Stopping on a dull yellow,
To my right another door.
Can I take a leap?
I press on.
Four memory lanes,
Grey, green, blue, and gold.
Four doors i choose to ignore.
Im afraid.
It means being alone.
Yes or no's.
Forever or for worse
Shadows of me begin to invade.
They block the door at the end...
Musings of a wanderer
“Four years later their second child was born.” The story teller paused and gripped his chest.
“Clarei Chaos, as she was later known as, was only an hour old when she was kidnapped.” A small child cried out in the darkness, as the warmth it had only known for a short while vanished.
“She was placed within the womb of a human woman, re-born as a human girl.” The teller eyed the crowd. Some showed interest, mostly the children, but the adults showed a hint of sadness with piercing eyes that watched the storyteller.
“This child was once our enemy, she knew nothing of the real name she was given.” The story teller stood, he pushed up the sleeves of his shirt to show scars upon his arms. Two stood out.
‘Demon Blood” was carved into his flesh.
“Fifty guardians were granted to her. By the time she came back the Demon side, only twenty remained. All twenty bare similar markings,” He rolled his sleeves down and eyed a child in the back. His red eyes watched the story teller and smiled.
“Clarei was brought back to us, full of hatred for the race that had ruined her life. Because so many bad things befell her. She always flared out of anger at the white winged ones, but even through that she always found a reason to smile.” He tore his eyes from the child and eyed their parents. Noise from the outside world was coming through the walls.
“Chaos, a family above those that caused true chaos.” He stopped. He eyed the crowed and then closed his eyes. He’d told this tale a million times, but it never got easier.
“A demon man, Arius Chaos, first son to the general of hell, Cail.” He stopped briefly before starting again.
“An Angel woman, Seli Calna. Forth daughter to the royal angelic blood line.” He stopped again closing green eyes to picture the two. He could feel his throat become dry and his eyes begin to sting as he opened them.
“They joined forces and families. One family accepted the new comer; the other banished their own flesh and blood. The two were set to reside behind the gates of Hell, were open arms welcomed them.” He clenched his teeth and joined his hands together.
“Fourteen years later they had their first child.” The story teller’s eyes closed once again.
“Slader Chaos was born a week early and very weak. He could only be around his mother and father for short periods of time. The energy his parents radiated made the child react in a seizure like fit.” An image of a small, black haired boy with piercing red eyes, played through his mind. He was laughing with his parents, and crying as they left for another war.
An out stretched hand, a simple gesture for a union. Two hands reaching and begging to touch. A simple gesture with so many meanings. Companionship, vulnerability, innocence and yet fear all at once. As they are pulled to each other it is felt, no fear or doubts. Just that of a waltz about to take them.
Bodies pulled close, hips gyrating as the music begins to take them. Long hair caught up in the moment while men's eyes watch them. A girl of black hair and red eyes wrapped in the arms of an unknown lover.Arms wrapped tight around her as the words begins to flow in and soon her own voice joins in on the chorus.
The night is young and inside a child screams. The music mimics that of yells, words depict that of battle and in that moment they pull away. Out stretched hands separate the dancers and the girl watches the world around her disappear. His face contorts and the meanings slap her in the face, fear, anger, and that sliver of forfeit.
"Your never there, your never there, your never ever ever there." Words blared as the world collides with her and the men around pull in closer for a more deadlier tango. Hands upon her body, eyes upon her lips waiting for the verse that would allow access. Arms wrap around her waist and she is pulled back, hands out to the original dancer, but he has turned from her.
"And so how am I ever to Know?" Lyrics beg the questions that she cannot. She sways with the body and feels the vibrations run up her body as she feels caresses to her arms, face and hands still waiting to be grasped. With a sudden stop she is pulled around to face this new hipster.
" Resistance is useless, it is useless to resist us." They pull her in close his lips caress her neck and the touch is like fire. She feels the shiver cover her body and the crowd becomes fueled by her reaction. They know that it is time, the devil is about to be tamed by the switch in step, a two step into submission. Faces black out as she scans the crowd all she sees are the smiling faces of those ready to descend upon her.
"I don't want to fake it, I just want to make it." Two more wrap around her and she can feel her body becoming there's. Hands on her breasts jolt her to life, but she cant break away. Inside she feels it, it wouldn't hurt to enjoy this would it? If the lyrics continued to lead her by the end of the night she could be anywhere.
There voices all chime at the chorus, "I want to love you madly." And in that moment she reaches out to find the one who started her on this waltz. Her eyes wander the crowd and in the distance he watches. His eyes are on fire his hands out stretched to her.
"Hello again." And like the end to a sex filled rumba the crowd dispersed. As if by magic they are pulled back held together as the world around them dies down. The chorus comes to an end and there it is. The body of music she had been looking for. His body pulled close and hers ready for music to play a song for them.
To cry
To yell
To scream
To fight
Basic principles in life.
We use them as we like.
Abuse them if you will.
Its bodily functions we fine usefulness in and yet we let our emotions blur the thin lining.
Amazing how humans use and abuse. Think less of others and yet here we stand.
Shattered shells of wild emotions. Fuled by actions only to be denied.
Musings of someone wanting to be in the big times.Yes its fine, i mutter.
Sure, i exclaim.
Quiet is how its been.
Im like a shadow only seen when turned around just right.
They chatter on and on...
Its ugly...
I'm...drifting.
I never feel lonely when in the presence ...
Why now?
More alone then I've been in a long time.
More death then i can remember.
Maybe her death is my own....?
Shit again...
Oh you've noticed me again?
Yes, you look good, i mumble.
Where did she go? They yell.
Im just behind you been here all day...
It shouldn't be like this!
Musings of a shadow
I live in my mind to much.
I think,
Over process the unthinkable ....
Her death its inevitable....
I've turned her in a martyr...
I knew it would happen.
Just dont know if im ready.
The battles ready,
Stage has be blanketed in snow...
Her beast set free.
Its hungry.
Angel blood is up for grabs,
Or will her blood cover the grounds?
Musings of thought
I shouldn't feel it's.
Believe me!
It's unwanted ....
It shouldn't matter,
Right?
Opposites to a T,
But damn it I me!
Im sure it will pass,
Im sure I'll ignore it.
But it hurts now....
Later is to far away
....
Never thought I'd see the day.
....
Musings of a cord gone...ill
It's when I need him,
He vanished like always.
The need,
The thrill?
Couldn't be happy with the thrill of kids?
Hell you had two!
We came out better then alot.
Couldn't accept that we were finally looking up to you?
Lots tell me to forgive,
I cant..it ain't in me.
Im tired of forgiving ....
Damn it!
When do we get our apology? !
.....
Musing of a girl without a father
The wolf may have been the first.
But the dragon....
Indecisive,
Impulsive,
frustrated,
Loving.
He is and always will be,
her down fall.
The traitor among them,
but the keeper of her heart.
Sad even,
the father to her children.
Long ago he'd have done anything for her,
even now I believe that still.
He was the prince,
but she could never be that helpless.
He stood by her side,
committed all acts of violence,
All in the name of Chaos right, Touma.
Musings of a fighter slowly but surely wining the fight
