Arius Chaos

The first time we met, 
I cursed god for letting me see you.

That moment your sword dropped, 
power calmed, 
and head bowed.

That moment you made me question, 
and then I watched you get hurt.

Dark coal black eyes, 
black hair, 
strong build, 
and a deep black armor.

Everything you were, 
everything I was not, 
it all screamed at me.

It screamed at me wrong!

But……

That’s the kicker……

He made me feel loved.

Just those eyes, 
that voice, 
and that simple jester……

He made me feel wanted.

My father took me in, 
even after all I had done.

He pulled me into his strong arms, 
placed a kiss upon my head…….

And said simply, 

“Welcome home.”

Musings of Clarei on her father

(The father the writer never had)

Haunted

It's dark all over.
No lights.
No sounds.

I'm denied of all.

I stretch my arms out,
I swing them around.

Please hit something.

To my left a light turns on and it's the light of a monitor.

I slowly walk t words it and reach slowly out.

Looking into the light,
I blink once,
Twice,
close my eyes and block the bright out.

I adjust, looking again.

The curser blinks.
It sits within a white document.
Blinking away.

Haunted by the erge to write

Musings of a writer in a daze

Clarei

Clarei came to me today.
She sat infront of me,
her arms crossed on the table.
Long legs stretched out under.

She's rough around the edges as she's always been.
Hair in a messy braid pulled over her chest.
Red eyes bright and vibrant.

They put me at ease.

She talks about random things.
Kids, Grandkids,  gaurdians, family, and deaths.

I laugh and nod.
I cry and reach out.

There all gone.

Chaos house has risen.
Like there sigil,
they sore and set the world ablaze.
That's the family I know.

She leans back and clasps her battle scared hands togeather.
One cold metal,
the other scared and burned flesh.

As she closes her eyes,
I finally take her in.

This woman.
This inner me.

She strong,
battle ready,
wise,
and lonely.

Musings of an inner character

Happy birthday to me

I'll go to bed tonight, 
a few hours away from a year.

I'll wake to bright lights,
cat meows,
and lots of love.

I'll take my bus to work,
music blared loud.

Work will drag.

7 will roll around.

By 8 I'll be surrounded by even more love.

it's once a year but your only 24 once right?

So I'll start it early, cuz messages at midnight wont be answered till the cat meows.

So happy Birthday to me
Happy birthday to me!
I'm one year older but still acting like a five year old.

musings of a birthday girl

Drift

mindlessly thinking of the whay and when.

none of it matters!

we play this out as a game of hide and seek. the only problem is im not going to go looking!

keep it up as my mind rots!
understand that im on the bench night after night!

i feel my body sway as music pumps feelings into my catatonic state!

mindless
self indulged
pity