New Years Resolution

Write more!
Stay in touch more.

Push to put my foot down more,
and learn that there stuck with me,
no matter how much they threaten to fire me.

I will  be ready for the wedding in October.
60 pounds lost and dress size perfect.
And yes ladies, the hair will be back by then.
yes, you can do the makeup to.

Time to stick to my guns and write.
Anything and everything,
that's what the book said.
Even if it's just a paragraph,
it's something.

I will be me and nothing else.
It's not what they want,
it's what I need to do.
It's who I want to be!

Time to find that writer in me,
Time to let her free.
Clarei you ready.
I feel your story ready to be.

Musings of a Writer, Realizing she's more then the world around her

Merry Xmas

Christmas Presents.
Batman movies.

Nothing like the holidays with family and friends.
Not everyone could be here at once.
But even stopping in and saying Hi, is all we really need.

So on this special day,
when gifts and holiday cheer,
are all around. 
I wish you all the merryist.

Have a drink for me,
or an extra candy cane.
Kisses from me,
and hugs all around.
I'd give you all high fives,
or Hell Ya's.

It's like a ritual in its' self.
Christmas means family.
Friends.
Animals.
Movies.

To all out there in this time of year.
I wish you the best.
The most amazing.
I wish for your wishes to come true.

Happy holidays to all.
Merry Christmas to all.

Musings of a Brain during the Holidays

Self-righteous suicide

Once when I was younger,
Not that far back,
But far enough.

I remember the day,
The one where I finally,
Finally,
Shut myself away.

I said good bye then.
To the world.
To choices.
To him.

I gave up...
Thinking...
If he could do it....
Why couldn't I.

Could I do it?

The red made that choice for me.
The sting shook my core.
His voice,
His yell.

Sent me spiraling back.

So I changed me.
Less open,
More angry.
Less fighting it,
More accepting it.

I thought of him today,  of a boy from my past. He took his life long ago, and left me to find it. Maybe not his life, but his shell. I felt his buzzing, floating around. He was checking up, keeping me cool. Focused without the anger. Making me who I am.

Personality

It's always been hidden...

It's what makes me...well me.

I remember when I was younger.
Before teenage hormones,
Boys,
And the persuit of acceptance ...

I lived in myself.

I lived to try and create a world.
One I'd disappear in to hide.

From yelles,
Screams,
And put downs.

Musings of a personality lost

Emotions

The ground was damp. She could feel it soak into her clothes as she layed there on her side. Shivering from the coldness, eye lids fluttered.

Dark pools of red swirld with emotions.
Pain.
Anger.
Loss.
Rejection.

Everything was running threw her mind, but one one thing repeated:

" Destroy the child,"

She blinked, it felt heavy and lagged. The delay was making her eyes sting. Fresh tears glistened,  as red eyes vanished tears shed.

Musings of a soldier facing death

Anger

Is it so hard!?

Can't you fucking understand something so simple!?

If i knew how much of a problem this would turn out to be,
...I'd ...I'd ....god I'd let you rot on your own.

I manage,
I always have.
I didn't need help.
But noooo

You decided its not good enough ....
Wala here we sit.

My tears streaming down with you pointing the blaming game at me.

I had my plans.
You feel the need to break them.
I had myself under control.
You feel the need to break that.
I feel the need to me mad.
You feel the need to tell me its ill placed.

(Probably cant even fucking understand that last phrase)

Here's another:
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Does that need explaing?

Musings of a girl fed up