Self-righteous suicide

Once when I was younger,
Not that far back,
But far enough.

I remember the day,
The one where I finally,
Finally,
Shut myself away.

I said good bye then.
To the world.
To choices.
To him.

I gave up...
Thinking...
If he could do it....
Why couldn't I.

Could I do it?

The red made that choice for me.
The sting shook my core.
His voice,
His yell.

Sent me spiraling back.

So I changed me.
Less open,
More angry.
Less fighting it,
More accepting it.

I thought of him today,  of a boy from my past. He took his life long ago, and left me to find it. Maybe not his life, but his shell. I felt his buzzing, floating around. He was checking up, keeping me cool. Focused without the anger. Making me who I am.