Snow

Swirling all around,
I feel bound in the white.

It sneaks in,
Shoes,
Pants,
Shirt,
Under everything.

Like a child I run forward, my eyes are skyward as my hands stretch out in front of me.
'More!' My minds yells the white falls all over me.
Covering gloved hands and a red nose.

My laughter fills the winter wonderland as I dance about the storm.
I want it to take me, guide me and most of all make me one of the lost ones.

Dancing in this forest storm,
hit's home.

I'm standing in a white blizzard,
doctors, medicines, and gowns.

This Snow storm has taken on a new twist as I sit in this desert wasteland.

Crisis

It's so shiny....

It glistens and sparkles as it caresses my finger tips.

My body seems to heat up and the excitement brings goosebumps to my skin. 

Why did I ever stop, 

You were the comforting embrace, 

Catcher of shed tears and droplets....

I never thought I'd fall this low.

God have I fallen So far....

I have...

The sting soothes.
The burn calms.
Red the color of passion...

He he he...

Time to sleep away this Crisis core...

Musings of a girl admiring the blade

Trapped

Question is who do i turn to now?

Feeling kind of lost as I just walk through this life. 

Everything is in slow motion.

Everyone's in there own little worlds.

Longing to be part of it again.

I feel like i can trust no one...

I keep bottling up and I can tell you right now I'm close to exploding...

but guess what...

No one's noticed. 

I've helped with all of there problems, 

hurled them over there hurdles.

But who will help pull me over or give me that piece of motivation?

No one. 

I can barely keep my friends attentions.

I can barely act my own gender.

I can barely communicate with my child like boyfriend.

I can barely handle my mother's condition.

I can barely handle the world crumbling around me.....

So the question get's stated again...

Who will i turn to?

Who will I turn to?

WHO CAN I TURN TO? 

But then the voice in my head speaks:

Who cares?

Musings of a girl feeling trapped

Day 1

Today much won't happen.
Night before, Ill admit, you were rough.
100 pounds heavier then I've ever been.
I'm tired.
So from here till then,
Ill do something I've never done before.
Ill selfie till I feel I look amazing.
Ill crunch, jump, walk and eventually jog again.
I don't have the support,
Ill just make my own.
Good bye grease, soda, energy drinks and more.
Time to start for me,
Time to be a better me

musing of a girl one hundred pounds heavier

Tumblr

http://idareyoutowrite.tumblr.com/

I found this tumblr page and so far I like the idea of it. It's a bunch of little writing ideas, you can pick and choose which ones you like, it forces you to get into the mind set to write. I love it because I need something like this. So either later today or tomorrow, depending on how I choose to go about things. Either start from the first post or the last. I'm leaning towards last. And they started this back in April, so I've got quiet a few to do, I hope this page keeps up. Wish me luck.

Motion

It burns.

Finger tips just graced across my arm. It sends chills and the gears begin to grind. They pick up pace as steps begin to take off.

Bodies turning.
Eyes searching.
Breath hitching.
Heart pounding.

Targets acquired.

Can't help were my feet take me.
Can't stop who my hands touch.

Its a fire to set all other fires into motion.

Musings of a girl in motion

Gaming Infinite

The moment she put his hand around her throat,
He saw the desperation in her eyes.

He saw the face of a caged bird for what it was.
A girl lost by all around her.

His mind yelled at him,
'It will not come to that,'
He even said it allowed.
"I wont let it happen, they will not have you."

But her solemn words rung out as she gripped his fingers.
"That's a promise you cannot keep. Don't let me go,"

So he pulled away as she walked away.
Her eyes on a future filled with death.
While he looked at her,
her in a future surrounded.

Dancing, Laughter and even Hope.
He looked to his hand as he repeated like a mantra.
"It will not happen, I will not let it."

Musings of a girl hooked on Infinite

Countdown

How long will I continue like this?

Breath deep,
Clenched fists,
Eyes down.

How long will I count down?

10
Breath.
9
Turn around.
8
Breath again.
7
Ball fists.
6
Resist all urges to turn back around.
5
Walk away.
4
Keep walking.
3
Slam the door.
2
Scream.
1
Scream LOUDER.

I can't keep the countdown up.
I'm drained.
Your drained.
All the while ill die inside.

You'll brush it off.
That's fine, brush me off.
One day ill have that courage to do it to you.
One day you'll realize I don't need you.
I never did.

Till then....
Ill count again.

10
9
8

Musings of a girl hating the countdowns

Time

I want to turn back the hands.
Bend them to a time where everyone was so imperfect.

In that time I'd say or do the opposite.

But as I think on it,
they wouldn't change...
I'd be a different me....
Just to please them.

I see your hole.
That's nice I like mine right here thank you.

So I'll forget about the hands of time.

I'll live a life by me.
By the actions I've already taken.

Hey I'm healthier in the long run.

Musings of a girl thinking about time

Food

I'm not eating again...
I feel it in the mornings,
The ache,
Growl even,
pain of just water.

I don't know what it is.
Its just the inability...
No the lack of motivation to eat.

The house is swirling with anger and sickness...
Its infected my body and mind.
If i dont eat...

I sleep better...
If i don't eat...
Im irritable...

I cant win...
But my erge to eat...
It still stands...
I just wont....

Musings of a girl not hungry anymore

Steps

The first we take,
with our tiny hands in those larger then ours.

We learn to walk on our own,
cry,
scream,
and be alone.

Step by step we carry-on.

Barefoot and splintered.

Bleeding,
broken,
crying.

Each step a lesson,
some harsher then the last.
Has this come to it's last steps?

Im tired of walking alone,
bloody and broken

I want the hand wrapped around mine.
The caring in his voice that will mean everything.

I cant take another step....
I know I'll need to plunge....

Musings of a girl ready to say goodbye. (Cuz i never forget you)

Write

Ready to write!
The guns shot off,
My fingers speed off.

The pages go on and on,
the words bolder,
emotions stronger,
pain vividly painted across your body.

The music blares,
the fingers stopping just enough to tap a beat,
but dont worry I'm picking up agin!

Green for go!
Yellow to keep going,
Red? Ha Never!

musings of a writer on a roll

End pt 1

I've dreamt of the final end.

It's the opposite of when she was conceived.

The snow rolls in thick, bitting at anything and everyone.
No one is safe this winter day.

It gets worse and worse,
it effects the other world so bad.
Her human body becomes trapped.
Stricken by disease and riddled with pain.

I'm sorry Ember, Clarei, Chaos house.
I'm sorry she will die horribly

musings of an end

Know me

You dont know me.
Its not just a statement, its a cold blooded fact.

Whats my all time favorite mythical creature?
Whats my all time favorite Disney movie?
My all time favorite movie?
Hell my astrology sign? !

There all simple.
Most who know me well,
know them all.

Hell I know yours!

Hell you know his!
Ya hes your best friend but still! !
I'm your damn Girlfriend!

musings of a gf standing at the top of your self dug hole

Arius Chaos

The first time we met, 
I cursed god for letting me see you.

That moment your sword dropped, 
power calmed, 
and head bowed.

That moment you made me question, 
and then I watched you get hurt.

Dark coal black eyes, 
black hair, 
strong build, 
and a deep black armor.

Everything you were, 
everything I was not, 
it all screamed at me.

It screamed at me wrong!

But……

That’s the kicker……

He made me feel loved.

Just those eyes, 
that voice, 
and that simple jester……

He made me feel wanted.

My father took me in, 
even after all I had done.

He pulled me into his strong arms, 
placed a kiss upon my head…….

And said simply, 

“Welcome home.”

Musings of Clarei on her father

(The father the writer never had)

Haunted

It's dark all over.
No lights.
No sounds.

I'm denied of all.

I stretch my arms out,
I swing them around.

Please hit something.

To my left a light turns on and it's the light of a monitor.

I slowly walk t words it and reach slowly out.

Looking into the light,
I blink once,
Twice,
close my eyes and block the bright out.

I adjust, looking again.

The curser blinks.
It sits within a white document.
Blinking away.

Haunted by the erge to write

Musings of a writer in a daze

Clarei

Clarei came to me today.
She sat infront of me,
her arms crossed on the table.
Long legs stretched out under.

She's rough around the edges as she's always been.
Hair in a messy braid pulled over her chest.
Red eyes bright and vibrant.

They put me at ease.

She talks about random things.
Kids, Grandkids,  gaurdians, family, and deaths.

I laugh and nod.
I cry and reach out.

There all gone.

Chaos house has risen.
Like there sigil,
they sore and set the world ablaze.
That's the family I know.

She leans back and clasps her battle scared hands togeather.
One cold metal,
the other scared and burned flesh.

As she closes her eyes,
I finally take her in.

This woman.
This inner me.

She strong,
battle ready,
wise,
and lonely.

Musings of an inner character

Happy birthday to me

I'll go to bed tonight, 
a few hours away from a year.

I'll wake to bright lights,
cat meows,
and lots of love.

I'll take my bus to work,
music blared loud.

Work will drag.

7 will roll around.

By 8 I'll be surrounded by even more love.

it's once a year but your only 24 once right?

So I'll start it early, cuz messages at midnight wont be answered till the cat meows.

So happy Birthday to me
Happy birthday to me!
I'm one year older but still acting like a five year old.

musings of a birthday girl

Drift

mindlessly thinking of the whay and when.

none of it matters!

we play this out as a game of hide and seek. the only problem is im not going to go looking!

keep it up as my mind rots!
understand that im on the bench night after night!

i feel my body sway as music pumps feelings into my catatonic state!

mindless
self indulged
pity

Jam

The beats blare.
Head's bobbing.
Toe tapping.

The snare rises just as my body rocks.
The words take over.

• I know you want me I made it obvious that I want you too So put it on me Let's remove the space between me and you•

Can't stop this.
Gotta move.
Gotta feel the rhythm of the crowd.

Bus

I'm sitting on a bus.
It doesn't matter how lost you get.
But in the end, well...
There will be an end.

So you sit and wait,
Packed and unpacked.
Traveling on a bus,
With an unknown end in mind.

A year

This time last year I was weak.

I let my emotions run wild and wore all feelings on my sleeves.

Needless to say I've learned.

Pick the battles,
Choose my heart,
Guard all sacred to me.

A year to fall into depression.

A year to realize I'm free.

A year to mourn him again.

A year to build her up,
Only to take her down again.

Musings of a year

Hall

Im standing in a hall.
Its long and empty but a door or fence lays at the end.

I take a step and watch the hall change.
Memories of life flash.
But it stays a hard pressed red.

A door to my left appears,
I reach but then rethink ...
I dont know whats behind it...

The memories flash again and i continue on.
Stopping on a dull yellow,
To my right another door.
Can I take a leap?

I press on.

Four memory lanes,
Grey, green,  blue, and gold.
Four doors i choose to ignore.

Im afraid.
It means being alone.
Yes or no's.

Forever or for worse

Shadows of me begin to invade.
They block the door at the end...

Musings of a wanderer

True Tales 2

“Four years later their second child was born.” The story teller paused and gripped his chest.

“Clarei Chaos, as she was later known as, was only an hour old when she was kidnapped.” A small child cried out in the darkness, as the warmth it had only known for a short while vanished.

“She was placed within the womb of a human woman, re-born as a human girl.” The teller eyed the crowd. Some showed interest, mostly the children, but the adults showed a hint of sadness with piercing eyes that watched the storyteller.

“This child was once our enemy, she knew nothing of the real name she was given.” The story teller stood, he pushed up the sleeves of his shirt to show scars upon his arms. Two stood out.

‘Demon Blood” was carved into his flesh.

“Fifty guardians were granted to her. By the time she came back the Demon side, only twenty remained. All twenty bare similar markings,” He rolled his sleeves down and eyed a child in the back. His red eyes watched the story teller and smiled.

“Clarei was brought back to us, full of hatred for the race that had ruined her life. Because so many bad things befell her. She always flared out of anger at the white winged ones, but even through that she always found a reason to smile.” He tore his eyes from the child and eyed their parents. Noise from the outside world was coming through the walls.

True Tales 1

“Chaos, a family above those that caused true chaos.” He stopped. He eyed the crowed and then closed his eyes. He’d told this tale a million times, but it never got easier.

“A demon man, Arius Chaos, first son to the general of hell, Cail.” He stopped briefly before starting again.

“An Angel woman, Seli Calna. Forth daughter to the royal angelic blood line.” He stopped again closing green eyes to picture the two. He could feel his throat become dry and his eyes begin to sting as he opened them.

“They joined forces and families. One family accepted the new comer; the other banished their own flesh and blood. The two were set to reside behind the gates of Hell, were open arms welcomed them.” He clenched his teeth and joined his hands together.

“Fourteen years later they had their first child.” The story teller’s eyes closed once again.

“Slader Chaos was born a week early and very weak. He could only be around his mother and father for short periods of time. The energy his parents radiated made the child react in a seizure like fit.” An image of a small, black haired boy with piercing red eyes, played through his mind. He was laughing with his parents, and crying as they left for another war.

Strangers In the Night

An out stretched hand, a simple gesture for a union. Two hands reaching and begging to touch. A simple gesture with so many meanings. Companionship, vulnerability, innocence and yet fear all at once. As they are pulled to each other it is felt, no fear or doubts. Just that of a waltz about to take them.

Bodies pulled close, hips gyrating as the music begins to take them. Long hair caught up in the moment while men's eyes watch them. A girl of black hair and red eyes wrapped in the arms of an unknown lover.Arms wrapped tight around her as the words begins to flow in and soon her own voice joins in on the chorus.

The night is young and inside a child screams. The music mimics that of yells, words depict that of battle and in that moment they pull away. Out stretched hands separate the dancers and the girl watches the world around her disappear. His face contorts and the meanings slap her in the face, fear, anger, and that sliver of forfeit.

"Your never there, your never there, your never ever ever there." Words blared as the world collides with her and the men around pull in closer for a more deadlier tango. Hands upon her body, eyes upon her lips waiting for the verse that would allow access. Arms wrap around her waist and she is pulled back, hands out to the original dancer, but he has turned from her.

"And so how am I ever to Know?" Lyrics beg the questions that she cannot. She sways with the body and feels the vibrations run up her body as she feels caresses to her arms, face and hands still waiting to be grasped. With a sudden stop she is pulled around to face this new hipster.

" Resistance is useless, it is useless to resist us." They pull her in close his lips caress her neck and the touch is like fire. She feels the shiver cover her body and the crowd becomes fueled by her reaction. They know that it is time, the devil is about to be tamed by the switch in step, a two step into submission. Faces black out as she scans the crowd all she sees are the smiling faces of those ready to descend upon her.

"I don't want to fake it, I just want to make it." Two more wrap around her and she can feel her body becoming there's. Hands on her breasts jolt her to life, but she cant break away. Inside she feels it, it wouldn't hurt to enjoy this would it? If the lyrics continued to lead her by the end of the night she could be anywhere.

There voices all chime at the chorus, "I want to love you madly." And in that moment she reaches out to find the one who started her on this waltz. Her eyes wander the crowd and in the distance he watches. His eyes are on fire his hands out stretched to her.

"Hello again." And like the end to a sex filled rumba the crowd dispersed. As if by magic they are pulled back held together as the world around them dies down. The chorus comes to an end and there it is. The body of music she had been looking for. His body pulled close and hers ready for music to play a song for them.

Principles

To cry
To yell
To scream
To fight

Basic principles in life.
We use them as we like.
Abuse them if you will.

Its bodily functions we fine usefulness in and yet we let our emotions blur the thin lining.

Amazing how humans use and abuse. Think less of others and yet here we stand.

Shattered shells of wild emotions. Fuled by actions only to be denied.

Musings of someone wanting to be in the big times.

Shadow

Yes its fine, i mutter.

Sure, i exclaim.

Quiet is how its been.
Im like a shadow only seen when turned around just right.

They chatter on and on...
Its ugly...
I'm...drifting.

I never feel lonely when in the presence ...
Why now?

More alone then I've been in a long time.
More death then i can remember.
Maybe her death is my own....?

Shit again...

Oh you've noticed me again?
Yes, you look good, i mumble.
Where did she go? They yell.
Im just behind you been here all day...

It shouldn't be like this!

Musings of a shadow

Thinking of downfall

I live in my mind to much.
I think, 
Over process the unthinkable ....

Her death its inevitable....
I've turned her in a martyr...
I knew it would happen.

Just dont know if im ready.

The battles ready,
Stage has be blanketed in snow...
Her beast set free.

Its hungry.
Angel blood is up for grabs,
Or will her blood cover the grounds?

Musings of thought

Ill

I shouldn't feel it's.
Believe me!
It's unwanted ....

It shouldn't matter,
Right?

Opposites to a T,
But damn it I me!

Im sure it will pass,
Im sure I'll ignore it.
But it hurts now....
Later is to far away

....
Never thought I'd see the day.
....

Musings of a cord gone...ill

Dad

It's when I need him,
He vanished like always.

The need,
The thrill?

Couldn't be happy with the thrill of kids?

Hell you had two!
We came out better then alot.
Couldn't accept that we were finally looking up to you?

Lots tell me to forgive,
I cant..it ain't in me.
Im tired of forgiving ....

Damn it!
When do we get our apology? !

.....

Musing of a girl without a father

The Dragon

The wolf may have been the first.
But the dragon....

Indecisive,
Impulsive,
frustrated,
Loving.

He is and always will be,
her down fall.

The traitor among them,
but the keeper of her heart.
Sad even,
the father to her children.

Long ago he'd have done anything for her,
even now I believe that still.
He was the prince,
but she could never be that helpless.

He stood by her side,
committed all acts of violence,
All in the name of Chaos right, Touma.

Musings of a fighter slowly but surely wining the fight