Life

I'm set.

Not set in the world, I've just made my mind up on what I wish to do with my life. When you have time off, that's all you kind of think about. What am I doing with my life? Who's doing more? Am I slacking it? Will school actually help me with my goal? Even if I have the tool's to do what I need, what am I going to do with the tools? So with so many questions and very few answers. Here, now. I'm going to do what I need to do in order to find comfort with my life.

Now the end goal of school is Photo Journalism. Not just Journalism, I want to be my own boss. Create something with my own name. What I really want out of this, is something I've always thought about. It's a zine, a magazine built on the things I know and love, the things that motivate me. Like the tittle of this blog, I want to display my muses.

I want to create a Rave Zine. I know Raves don't interest most. But what I want to do once the requited hardware is acquired, I want to document it all. I want to show the underground, the missives, the secretive the FUN! Displays of Kandi Kids, Dj's, promoters, glovers, flow artists, furry's, cosplayers, etc. I want to take pics of it all. I want to write about it all.

There's a small market for it. But the hardware wouldn't just be for that. I'd have other projects, ideas for books and documentation of everything I come across. It's the one thing since I've started this new part of my life that's stood out and screamed "DO IT NOW".

This cant just be a "Hey guys! I'm awesome and will do all this stuff," and never get around to doing it. I cant let it fall. I need to do all this that I lay out, the first sign of good money in my hand is for one thing and one thing only. The acquiring of the hardware. Till then, till school sucks me up, I will work with what I have. I will try and work my phone to post as it needs too. I may need to change my blog, I may not. But I will do what I must to stick with it.

I want my life to mean something, I want to be better. I want the end of my life to be come upon with no regrets. So as I sit writing this, I write down more and more, wanting to get it all down. Mark it as I come to conclusions.

So tomorrow, I will get up and get out. Toward the end of the day I'll travel out, maybe walk around the block and start to take pictures. I will create the worlds I need, create the magazine as I go over everything. A picture or many pictures a day. I need to get better. I need to display better. I need to be a better me.

I will be...

Musings of a girl hoping for the best

Past Life

Like clouds on the horizon, dipped in yellows and oranges. The clouds bring in a past that not only reminds but never vanishes. It's like the on coming glimpse of things to atone for. She's so much stronger then I ever remember, as the clouds begin to roll out and the sky begin to darken. Even in the shroud of what I know she is, she stands brighter then the northern star.

Dripped in the blackness of night, she stands like a light tower. Ever pointing my way to a future I find, I already fear. I look over her from all angles, I remember the scars and the missing emotions. She's given me everything, in order for  me to survive the world I must live in.

I find, even to this day, living her life was so much easier then it is to live my own. Humans and Demons differ greatly, but I know the weakness of both. I find Demons to be more trustworthy, Angels disturbingly criptive, and Humans idiot to boot...But I'm one of them.

With her red eyes she watches me, I take a step away and she takes a step toward me. I side step and she follows, to anyone else you'd think it was a mirror. But her eyes give her away, her body stiffening at my actions. She's holding on so loosely now, I cant help but hold on to her tighter.

I miss this woman from my past, I miss what I use to be in the presence of her. But I will...Will do as I must to show she was never in vain. The woman who raised me, taught me, became me, will never stop being me.

I cannot let my girl of moon light and stars disappear. She will never be my sunshine, she will always be my night time memories and dreams of wars fought with little more then loyalty and trust.

Musings of girl  writing about a person's past

Trip

I came to many realizations as I laid on that floor. The view of others in passing drifting in and out of the psyche that had become me. Now follow me, follow me word for word. Try to understand that what I felt upon that floor was realizations and acknowledgements of the things to come in the passing life's.

Three lives came together, three birthdays bringing merriment and joy to a hand full of people in a small little apartment in the middle of but fuck nowhere...But the place is not important, the place we reside in is even less important. But the hand full of people I can say gather in those times is the life of our souls. It is the beating heart that brings us all together. Different animals, different people, different ages, different everything in every way..But we are all one, we are as we should be we are the everlasting in that little apartment. Even far way we are the understanding we are the enjoyment we are all that will forever be.

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I wrote this months ago about a handful of people I've come to know. There that family I thought I'd never associate myself with. But this is just the beginning. I know I've taken my time In posting...But I promise. I have a lot to post.

Musings of a girl dancing with Lucy