To Do it

One day I'll do it. 

I'll tell them all to disappear and to make a life away from all of us. We've suffered enough and still stuffer now. They think it's us in the wrong, but I have to take my shoe's off to count all there wrongs. I think the worse I've ever done to them is a curse or two.

Family shouldn't be like this. Me and my brother grew up quick as kids, with all my cousins around, we had to. We grew up giving everything we could to them, hell they even got our mom before us. 

But we understood, family. 

Even before that, we grew up with uncle. His fits, his moods, his constant need for the drug. It was understanding, that destroying someone else's house was drawing the line, but hiding behind your mothers skirts was even worse. Gram would protect him, make the lies up for him. Rubbed, that family meant more, in our faces. 

If family means everything, what were we? 

My mother took her in when she showed up unannounced.
My sanity and my mental stability were shattered.
My brother was only a shell of what he could really be. 

And here was stand. A family broken up when it shouldn't be.

They weasel there way in, saying we are the bad guy's when in reality we are being realistic. 

I'm 24 years old, my brother 20. 
We both have jobs.
Stable relationships.
I'm not pregnant yet.
He hasn't knocked anyone up yet.
We get along great.

I want to tell him to fuck off. To get the hell away from all of us and disappear. I don't care what he says about raising us. He also raised us to not be pushovers or be run over. It will be a day that I tell him yeah I  learned a lot.Here's what I learned.

Learned to not become an addict.
Learned to not leach off my siblings. 
Learned to not piss on all my friends. 
Learned to not piss off good family.
Learned to not constantly go running to my mother when things don't go your way.

I want to tell her to go and die. To stop bringing her problems to us, or dragging us into them. If we cant help you it's because we cant afford it, not because we don't trust family. From her it was easy to learn from, without knowing it you taught me how not to be a bitch.

Learned to not abuse my kids, no matter who there father is.
Learned to not abuse the government and drag family into it.
Learned to not accuse others of acts they didn't commit. 
Learned to not use my kids for money.
Learned to not constantly go running to my mother when things don't go your way.

And you want to know what. They'll throw all kinds of things in my face, like relationships, personal issues, and even my father. But you want to know what I don't care. I've dealt with all that. I've come to peace with my dad being who he is, what he does. Hell he's not even married to my mom and he takes better care of gram then her own kids. 

But no she'll always take there side no matter what. Two twisted little creatures. Two messed up beings. Two people who are not family anymore.